NOTHING TO SEE
willowy orthopedist tends to (me) black and white film negatives (screen)racked and raised, poised above my caregiver draws my orthopedist’s attention A flash of interest, then look goes pro swivels her gaze to my power chair looks at me differently now maybe figures I come from money exploiting
my caregiver or the system
pro asks about my history picks up my chart with a look see
chronic this and chronic that every chronic chronicity
she hears me report chronic depression wrinkles her nose
as if I just farted she she sees a fat man raised up
seeking attention for his shoulder pain flash of interest,
Looks more closely again at the screen
Nothing else or otherwise to see, huh you
you don’t seem to have a fracture. You see there’s no crack for the light to get in
so quickly let’s go around round the rotator
shoulder cuff raising and moving exercises
here we go round the rotator cuff the rotator rotator cuff
There’s nothing I can see not sure
even why there was a referral to me.
E.R. probably said maybe and here’s a sling
to keep it in. Now get out she says professionally.
Note: This was last December or January and I still can’t sleep on my back because of the pain in my left shoulder.
Reading the paper with one hand
feel better or worse depending
on how you grade shame (nothing to see)
compared to pain (nothing to see). Whatever
I knew it hurt, and so did the pro.
But there was nothing to see.
But, you see, I read about the rush
At the hospital when the bus driver
With nothing to see could see nothing
In the blizzard a force of nature; his bus a force
of industry tumbling down cliffside.
I understand a longing to be
somewhere else happy and safe
not driving a busload of travelers
looking to get out of the storm
I read, nothing to see visibility zero even for God.
God can’t see them soon enough I don’t believe in God ever
even now for those on the bus tumbling into the ravine
screaming who do with their last breath
to take, no more sights to see or sounds
to hear and those remaining, surviving
will carry stories with fear and pain
nothing at all (there is) to see in their brain
who will believe them with nothing to see.
who will believe them with nothing to see.