JIMMY BANG’S IF I WAS BLUES
If I were a sniper I would shoot myself in the mirror.
If I were a stripper I would take all your clothes off with a bump and grind.
If I were a spy I would let you know where I am.
If I were a sinner I would never be able to forgive myself.
If I were a victor I would mourn my losses.
If I was as pretty as I feel I wouldn’t touch myself.
If I were a dancer I would hold up the wall.
If I were a robber I would stick-up myself.
If I were a cop I would resist arrest.
If I were a carpenter I would cut off my balls with a box cutter.
If I were a doctor I would make myself sick.
If I were a lawyer I’d sue myself for malpractice.
If I were a gardener I wouldn’t let myself in.
If I was I would never be.