F – Abject Alphabet

F      The dirtiest letter. Bite your lip ‘til it bleeds.Say Fuck!

Fatigue:                      Anemia of the spirit.

Forgiveness:               Impossible love.

Fun:                            What I don’t know.


Revised after lunch, October 5th, 2023. I caught the cut my editor suggested and have accepted it here. Much improved. Thanks Don! Fair control was introduced into my vocabulary and understanding by my new found psych in Kelowna.

 My psych understood I was after
“fair control,” not opioids to feed
an addiction. This means understanding my pain
never goes away. Broken up prose like this
might get to be a poem someday
but now I am waiting for four pm
and my next flight of meds. You can
tell I’m in wine valley, though no more
for me since I chose to have surgeons
cut off my left leg below the knee five years ago.

I take the lowest dose of Suboxone
considered effective, keeping the chocks
blocking the pain from getting on the plane,
providing med enough for fair control to
free my imagination/ be real, you mean
free your hands your arms and every joint
to make it possible to sit and tell the story
about what ails me one finger at a time.

that’s me I’m talking about snapping suspenders
and climbing aboard my gravity defying
writing machine and fly fly fly.




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