I’m losing my grip. there was a boy in grade school who could bend his thumbs all the way back to the bottom of his wrist, we said he was double jointed. But always looked a little gross to me I prefer my bones to be where they need to be to make a body whole. I am slipping into depression today because I’m losing the use of my thumbs particularly the one on my right hand which I’ve been using to move my mouse that is a computer mouse of course.
I’m losing my grip. On Monday an occupational therapist looked at my space hammer and my computers and my chairs and helped me decide where things could be better and how to get in and out of things without risking a fall.
I’m losing my grip. I will want a different ergonomic mouse I’m certain I’m already dictating this article for example this essay this paragraph this sentence while I’m listening to music with the same headset. This may not be advisable but it’s not about my yars this piece.
I’m losing my grip. My things my thumbs I meant to say giving me a hard time. I should be wearing my gauntlets which makes me think of cutlets which I think we should buy for supper soon. Carpal metacarpal arthritis carpal tunnel syndrome whatever you wanna call it it hurts like hell.
My 10% toklo phenac cream came today. That’s DICLOFENAC. It helps a fair bit. What it does is take the pain away the immediate the instant the ever present the chronic the acute pain but it does not make it any easier to use another words I can drop things from a pencil to a hot pan being lifted out of the oven say yesterday with a pizza on it.so if I was going to move on to the next paragraph I would go
Like my mother, I am Losing my grip. “Daut jleppt mie aules wajch,”
My mother used to say things just slipped out of her hands in low German of course but I won’t try to spell it, I’ll get Ralph Friesern to look it up. She didn’t complain much though she did complain which is that something that I remember my mother foremostly I don’t remember her complaining about much like she grew up how she was treated and how glad she was not there anymore that is South Manitoba, except “for the record.” She did complain about her body but not nearly as much as I realize nopw as she could have.
So I’m sitting with my hands so that I guess you could say across my belly. When I’m in bed I often have them crossed under my man boobs over my heart on one side. You look for the most comfortable position to rest the hands to rest my fingers I mean this could be called fingers I suppose fingers would be a separate piece I’m obviously not doing as well while I’m listening to music I’m listening to Steve Reich’s lovely piece done for Pat Methen. Pat Metheny. I should just listen.
OK so I turned off the CBC the timing is always off for me now to listen to Tom Allen, living on the coast. I am listening to Igor Leavitt play Shostakovich preludes.
Probably I should just write a really short poem about them by two opposable thumbs my carpal metacarpal arthritis my carpal tunnel syndrome how everything slips through when we’re talking about slipping through as in it slipped through his fingers we’re actually talking about the thumb and the fingers most often. Then there’s the hundreds of thousands of thoughts that slip through my brains every day. I want a health metre measuring how many thoughts in a day to go with the 1000 steps a day, the most I can manage.
This is a diversionary tactic
I am very happy in my inventing studio I’m just pouring a hot coffee that smells terrific out of a thermas that I feel this morning that way I don’t have to make it a second cup problem is I have to support my coffee differently which is a little bitter but I can’t actually hold it so my thumb I can’t use my thumb to hold it up that means essentially closing my finger then holding another hand on it nothing like making coffee drinking a two handed job.
That’s the same with masturbating of course you don’t need it much but you need it just enough to have a firm hold of what makes you come of course most people wouldn’t put this in a essay and I’m surprised to see the word program spell it that way because I don’t mind the double Diversion simply is I’m happy to be sitting here surrounded by pictures of my kids no it’s a lovely woman asleep at our bed no less than my wife and if I get tired of talking like this I can read which is what I may be left with because I can’t type Less sure because I get dizzy maybe it’s the coffee
I went to the hospital emergency one time because my thumb it was giving me acute pain just it was horrific levels in the 8 to 9 range so it wasn’t very busy, and they took me into X ray right away and took a picture of it. The nurse practitioner came in with results instead as well it’s a good news bad news situation. The good news is you haven’t broken anything. The bad news is you’ve got arthritis all through your hand. Tell me something I don’t know I said to myself. Next week Tuesday I’m getting lots of X rays maybe some ultrasound maybe will set me for a ct scan but that’s next week and today is Friday so I should do something that’s fun just not everything tomorrow is Friday no please let everything tomorrow Saturday piss off early today is Friday anyway it’s poets today
Saturday. Found a joint and a lighter in the back of my wheelchair. Jared is here washing windows. I’m drinking coffee but listen up ‘AIN”T IT FUNNY HOW TIME SLIPS AWAY” Daut jelept miwe allous weiCH Steve Reich rhymer Al Green going tick talk, etc…../.it all slips awazy from me